Request for support
Hello, good morning to you
I came across your site when I was looking up more information about throat cancer
I am feeling really distraught at the moment as my fiance, who lives in New York, is currently undergoing treatment for throat cancer
Whilst I appreciate he is in the best place I feel so bad that I can’t be at his side and just don’t know what to do to keep upbeat and be supportive to him and his family
I know I probably have no right to contact you like this, but I am really at my wits end and I feel that I need a little support too. I spent all day yesterday crying as it was his first day of treatment (radiotherapy and his 1st session of chemo) and he stayed in hospital for the day/night
I was going to go out and be with him, but with the price of fuel etc, flights from UK are so expensive, he said, no baby, we can’t afford it, we will see each other at Christmas as arranged
I just want to be a help to him and not be a drain on him, so I am trying to be upbeat when we speak, but fall apart after I have put the phone down
Luckily I am back at work next week and get so busy I don’t have time to think about anything except work, but I sm still worried as I care and love him so much
Any ideas that may help me therefore to help him?
Thank you so very much for your time and patience
Viv’s response
Hello K,
I am truly sorry to hear about your fiancé.
There is no easy solution to any of these situations. Please remember I’m not a Doctor, nor do I have any training to assist anybody at times such as this.
It is absolutely essential that he does what ever his specialists tell him to do and some. If you read through my daily diaries, I list all the things that was suggested to me and the extra things that my Wife did for me. All the vitamins, creams to protect the skin, saliva assisted jells and bucket loads of fresh carrot juice.
I can only offer you assistance from my own personal experiences. I had 8 weeks of radiotherapy but not the Chemo, so this is something I can not offer any advice on.
All I know is that your Fiancé is going to need all the love and support of his Family and friends that you can give him.
If there is any way that you can get over to the States, then I’d strongly suggest it. He does not realise just yet, but he is going to need your love and support next him in the next few weeks. Seven or eight weeks out of your life is not a long time, if it’s going to help save your Fiancés life.
Above all you have to be strong and confident in his company, reassuring and just being with him will make all the difference.
I wish I could be more constructive, but your situation is a little different to mine. My Wife was by my side every minute of the day.
What ever you do, be POSITIVE, he will make it.
My thoughts are with you all and may your God be with with you.
Love,
Viv.
Response to a fellow sufferer
This is an e-mail that Viv sent to a user of this site whose Mother has been diagnosed. He felt it might be useful for anyone reading:
Hello Yuriy,
Thank you very much for contacting me, sorry for taking so long to reply, I’ve been away travelling/working.
I hope things are progressing well for your Mother. Today the technology is amazing and I’m quite confident your Mother, with your help and the support of friends and Family will be fine.
You DO need to read my postings from the beginning, because I do list everything that I used and experienced as they happened to me over the two months of my treatments. More importantly how my Wife helped me cope with life after the treatments.
Please remember that I am not a Doctor and that this treatment of radiotherapy does affect everybody in different ways.
Just this morning I replied to somebody about his wife’s dry mouth problems and this may be of some assistance to you and your Mother. I have pasted this response to you below. If there is anything specific that you think I maybe able to assist you with please do not hesitate to ask me.
“Please remember that I’m not a doc and can only suggest things from my own experiences. You should also consider that the radiation treatment affects everybody differently, so there does not seem to be a definitive answer to all the problems. My specialist says that there are the basic things to do and then it really is trying many different things to see what best suits you.
According to the specialists, the radiation definitely kills off the good cells that generate saliva etc. it also reduces the size of your airways passages, the size of the tubes between your ears, nose and throat. ( I now experience ear-ache when flying, especially at take-off and landing) and have to take a special nose inhaler with me on the plane.
So the problem your Wife experiences with itching throat and difficulty breathing seems to be quite common. I have something similar and water is my constant companion. In most instances I have to help the food down by taking a sip of water when swallowing. (Things have improved and this has also been supplemented by wine as well) Even though things have improved considerably for me, I still experience the odd attack of choking and coughing spasms.
I have also found it extremely helpful to try and constantly generate saliva in my mouth, which definitely helps keep the throat and airways clear. I use saliva stimulating toothpaste, mouth washes, gum gel and chewing gum. The best ones for me are the “Biotene” and “Bioextra” ranges. Biotene works best for me and they have everything from toothpaste to chewing gum. Because the radiation plays havoc with your teeth and gums, making chewing anything solid very difficult, the chewing gum is probably not that great until some time later after the treatment is completed.
Another possible solution to the saliva problem is the “Saliwell Medical System”, a device produced in Israeli. This little bag of tricks has helped me no end and I do believe that it has help stimulate my saliva glands so much so that I think that the glands are now producing some natural saliva in my mouth. It’s not the final solution but it has made all the difference to my daily way of life. A link to their site can be found on my last update, which I can definitely recommend to anybody experiencing dry mouth.”
My very best advice to you at these early stages of her treatment is to get as much advice, information and support from your own Doctor, Dentist, The Radiotherapist Specialist and the Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist. These people can tell you what precautions your Mom needs to take and what medication is available in your country, very very important is be sure that she looks after her teeth and gums.
This is a very difficult time for her, look after her and give her all the love and support you possibly can.
Let me know how things are going,
Ciao,
Viv.
An Inspiration
Dear Viv,
Its my Sunday morning time. Up early with a cup of tea in the peace and quiet. Today instead of the weekly Telegraph I read your diary. My Mother and Uncle both passed away through cancer – the latter cancer of the throat like you – and even though I was a child I remember his suffering. Whilst modern medicine has enabled this disease sometimes to be overcome, it takes a special person to want to live badly enough to go through the hell of the treatment from what I can understand.
If – “God forbid’ – I am ever to face such a test, I now know who I can turn to for inspiration ! I am sure many others also are drawing strength from your example. And as I get older and the physical bits don’t work as well as they should, I hope that I can remember how lucky I am and to follow your example of living to the full. And I am sure that you gained a lot of your strength from Avril ! Isn’t it amazing how strong our ladies can be when they also have to face such a test ! Fabulous.
Thank you.
Mike
My Dad
Hi Avril and Viv,
It’s amazing just how much you have given my family hope and strength to fight our battle with and for my Dad. When I first saw your site I found some many things Viv and my dad have in common. They are both dark and handsome, own there own business and are always the life of a good party!
I took your daily requirements and went and bought everything on your list. I have also invested in a juice extractor to make fresh carrot juice for my Dad. We are still in a state of shock! 3 weeks ago my Dad went to a specialist after complaining to his GP on two previous visits to see him.
They put something up through his nose and down his throat and then said to my father that there was no easy way to tell him that he had throat cancer. Yesterday my dad had a biopsy and now we found out that they haven’t done a cat scan so they are sending him within the next few days.
We are to receive the results on Jan 30th,2007. I think that the specialists bedside manner was a bit off but what can we do, the damage is done and it’s killing us all emotionally waiting to get the results.
Through your journey we will keep strong. I keep telling Dad that we have a jump start on our fight and we are very lucky to learn through Viv and what he did to keep his faith and battle the illness.
We came to Canada just the four of us (Mom, Dad and my sister) from Scotland and we are a close knitted family not to mention a bunch of stubborn buggers as well.
Our web-site for the family business is www.mcteeshirts.com and I just finished running in a local election. My site is www.winwithlynn.ca if you are interested in seeing us.
I hope you don’t mind me keeping in touch. My dad isn’t ready to tell anyone right now so I am limited to who I can talk to about this.
Take care and god bless you.
A letter from the doctor
Dr. Oscar Condon.
Today is Mr. Vivian last treatment and I could not leave without writing a few lines in this opened window of his experience in the struggle against a fearsome enemy. It is not my intention to give a medical or clinical point of view, but on the contrary to highlight the human part, in this case, of this couple that dazzled me with their courage and sympathy. Today in our globalized world, Vivian’s page is a proof that, in medicine, like in other areas, we all manage to have access to everything or almost everything. We have a lot of information and many places where to resort and get it. This is why we mark the difference, with our attitude, and it is in this point that this man surprised me so positively. Today still, I am surprised when I see the care he had all along the whole treatment and this is reflected obviously in his current condition (well being).
Both, Vivian and Avril, have been curious, have searched in several sites the best way of confronting the harmful effects of the radiation, not only have they followed our advices but, by their own or by mediation of others, they have looked for solutions and for the best way of harmonizing their day by day with the treatments. It is the best medicine that exists, the desire of recovering and facing the problem in an active way. So active that it is even possible to call this an “activist” case, since this site is another way of fighting, showing and of helping others, fantastic is the adjective that I find in my mind.
It only remains for me to wish him the best, to continue with this vitality that characterizes him and to continue to move us all.
Many thanks for showing us in such an opened (frank) way your reality.
With the best regards
Dr. Oscar Condon
Hoy es el último tratamiento de Mr. Vivian y no podía dejar de escribir unas líneas en esta ventana abierta sobre su experiencia en la lucha contra un temible enemigo. No es mi intención dar un punto de vista medico o clínico, sino por el contrario resaltar la parte humana, en este caso, de esta pareja que me deslumbro con su coraje y simpatía. Hoy en dia con nuestro mundo tan globalizado, esta página de Vivian es una prueba de ello, en la medicina como en otras áreas todos conseguimos tener acceso a todo o a casi todo. No nos falta información y no nos faltan sitios a donde recurrir y procurar. Por eso la diferencia la marcamos nosotros, con nuestra actitud y es aquí que este hombre me sorprendió tan positivamente. Todavía hoy me sorprendo cuando veo el cuidado que ha tenido a lo largo de todo el tratamiento y eso se refleja obviamente en su estado actual.Ambos, Vivian y Avril, han sido curiosos, han procurado en varios sitios la mejor manera de confrontar los efectos nocivos de la radiación, no solo han seguido nuestros consejos, sino que por ellos propios o por mediación de otros han buscado soluciones y la mejor de manera a conciliar su día a día con los tratamientos. Es la mejor medicina que existe, las ganas de curarse y enfrentar el problema de una manera activa. Tan activa que hasta se puede llamar de “activista” en este caso, ya que este site es otra manera de luchar, de mostrar y de ayudar a los otros, fantástico es el adjetivo que me viene a la boca.
Por eso solo me resta desearle lo mejor, que continúe con esa vitalidad que le caracteriza y que continúe a agitarnos a todos.Un grandísimo abrazo y muchísimas gracias por mostrarnos tan abiertamente tu realidad.Dr. Oscar Condon
Final treatment!
Congratulations, Viv! He walked out of the Faro radiation therapy unit yesterday after having undergone his final treatment of radiotherapy. I think the staff must be sad to see him go and especially after all those gifts he left with them! Well done, Viv.
Emails of support
Hello Viv.
Just looked at your website again and glad the treatment is working for you. Although the side effects are grim, it is certainly worth it in the long run. Wishing you a continued recovery and I hope you will maintain the website, even after you have been given the “all clear”.
It is important that as many people as possible get to hear about the “positives” which in turn gives hope that this can be a treatable disease, if diagnosed on time and managed correctly.
The importance of support from family, friends and others can never be understated.
Emails of support
… today I finally plucked up the courage to look at your other web site. I’ll be honest with you, Viv (and I’d as soon do this over the phone, but what the hell, I’m already typing), I’ve always had a real, real problem with my own mortality, and cancer. Probably because my mum had it when I was a kid and we didn’t really know what would happen. Combined with the smoking, I was almost too ashamed to look at your site. But I did today and it just reinforces the fact that you have balls of steel. You’ve no idea how much I admire your guts, Viv. I know it’s not ‘the done thing’ to say it, but what do I care? You’ll always have my support in whatever capacity you need it.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery
Dear Viv,
I had a meeting today with David at PRO who showed me this site and although I don’t know you personally I have known of you and your excellent photography for some time and I wanted to drop you a line to pass on my best wishes to you and your family.
My Mother had a brush with cancer last year (Two years after a stroke! What luck!) and I remember driving her to the hospital near Cambridge several times and I can remember sitting in the waiting room quite frankly shitting myself! It’s a horrible thing to have to face but thankfully things worked out ok. I also had a teacher at college who beat throat cancer so, as your site confirms, there are many positive stories.
I sincerely hope you are back to full health as soon as possible.
Best wishes,
Emails of support
Thanks for your last email I thought the web site was a really good idea. It was an inspired idea. You are a remarkable bloke Vivo; to be thinking of how you can use your experience to help other people is typical of you, and why it is a real honour to be your friend.